uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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