We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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