i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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