after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
