she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
