I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We need to get me chipped asap
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
