Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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