I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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