He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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