I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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