Texts From Last Night

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  (573): View more from Missouri

  how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?

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  (573): how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain? http://tfl.nu/ptj1
  Replies (7) Good night (3364) Bad night (713)
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  (914): View more from New York

  you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.

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  (914): you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen. http://tfl.nu/cp2f
  Replies (21) Good night (1325) Bad night (7118)
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  (518): View more from New York

  just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her

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  (518): just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her http://tfl.nu/hb22
  Replies (74) Good night (9082) Bad night (1140)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.

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  (208): The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State. http://tfl.nu/x5jw
  Replies (20) Good night (1331) Bad night (4229)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.

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  (708): Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now. http://tfl.nu/4cfq
  Replies (55) Good night (7467) Bad night (1206)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation

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  (303): Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation http://tfl.nu/s4ly
  Replies (15) Good night (1303) Bad night (3475)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.

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  (512): I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today. http://tfl.nu/pv8p
  Replies (16) Good night (869) Bad night (5374)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.

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  (865): Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing. http://tfl.nu/w2oe
  Replies (2) Good night (2228) Bad night (1028)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...

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  (772): He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off... http://tfl.nu/s4wu
  Replies (3) Good night (1664) Bad night (1237)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.

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  (206): I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship. http://tfl.nu/s5mh
  Replies (18) Good night (2368) Bad night (1038)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan

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  (717): I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan http://tfl.nu/f98a
  Replies (14) Good night (2265) Bad night (840)
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  (909): View more from California

  Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.

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  (909): Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS. http://tfl.nu/zdw2
  Replies (7) Good night (556) Bad night (2062)
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  (714): View more from California

  Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.

  (714): View more from California

  Worser: she offered to clean me up

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  (714): Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted. (714): Worser: she offered to clean me up http://tfl.nu/1w2l
  Replies (11) Good night (404) Bad night (940)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago

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  (440): Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago http://tfl.nu/7mtt
  Replies (0) Good night (498) Bad night (492)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.

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  (403): Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late. http://tfl.nu/az6v
  Replies (4) Good night (215) Bad night (576)

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