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• (309): View more from Illinois

  nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol

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• (281): View more from Texas

  Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him

  (1-281): View more from Texas

  college has opened so many doors for you

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  how was last night?

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick

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  17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (210): View more from Texas

  hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance

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• (817): View more from Texas

  Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  I wish I could just hang out in ERs.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself

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  These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men

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• (406): View more from Montana

  its 2pm. u awake yet?

  (1-406): View more from Montana

  ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.

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• (242): View more from Bahamas-Carib

  I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!

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• (805): View more from California

  On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....

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