Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.

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  (202): I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar. http://tfl.nu/npd2
  Replies (7) Good night (2827) Bad night (710)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?

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  (571): is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided? http://tfl.nu/vrm3
  Replies (8) Good night (3353) Bad night (1003)
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  (845): View more from New York

  First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...

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  (845): First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio... http://tfl.nu/v0nt
  Replies (39) Good night (1065) Bad night (4412)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  but the lizard people decide everything anyway

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  (780): but the lizard people decide everything anyway http://tfl.nu/21qe
  Replies (27) Good night (3843) Bad night (753)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.

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  (617): Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas. http://tfl.nu/4pw4
  Replies (18) Good night (4697) Bad night (600)
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  (415): View more from California

  And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.

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  (415): And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked. http://tfl.nu/8nhm
  Replies (45) Good night (5579) Bad night (955)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE

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  (978): i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE http://tfl.nu/7vd6
  Replies (9) Good night (1056) Bad night (4663)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid

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  (253): The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid http://tfl.nu/62ef
  Replies (23) Good night (4636) Bad night (1486)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.

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  (+44): It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done. http://tfl.nu/song
  Replies (12) Good night (4394) Bad night (926)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big

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  (970): I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big http://tfl.nu/le84
  Replies (12) Good night (1996) Bad night (2904)
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  (213): View more from California

  My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."

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  (213): My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie." http://tfl.nu/jevy
  Replies (38) Good night (3740) Bad night (800)
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  (714): View more from California

  I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?

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  (714): I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason? http://tfl.nu/9wpk
  Replies (7) Good night (623) Bad night (1058)
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  (760): View more from California

  You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today

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  (760): You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today http://tfl.nu/u74i
  Replies (2) Good night (1039) Bad night (528)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died

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  (360): My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died http://tfl.nu/olk7
  Replies (2) Good night (1099) Bad night (585)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.

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  (610): last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation. http://tfl.nu/i7r0
  Replies (4) Good night (498) Bad night (375)

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