Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(913): View more from Kansas

I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.

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(913): I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me. http://tfl.nu/mpf5

Replies (5) Good night (1113) Bad night (1922)
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(210): View more from Texas

"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"

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(210): "Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People" http://tfl.nu/6fy6

Replies (23) Good night (3708) Bad night (744)
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(720): View more from Colorado

just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life

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(720): just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life http://tfl.nu/vlqm

Replies (48) Good night (6143) Bad night (2589)
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(815): View more from Illinois

I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.

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(815): I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore. http://tfl.nu/ecds

Replies (35) Good night (2514) Bad night (5062)
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(641): View more from Iowa

Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.

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(641): Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird. http://tfl.nu/ck05

Replies (4) Good night (2202) Bad night (1641)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?

(770): View more from Georgia

Nope, his last birthday was.

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(910): "Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right? (770): Nope, his last birthday was. http://tfl.nu/dk94

Replies (5) Good night (2138) Bad night (685)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.

(1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.

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(570): After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother. (1-570): Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off. http://tfl.nu/5ewz

Replies (6) Good night (1977) Bad night (576)
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(281): View more from Texas

She really is something else.

(713): View more from Texas

Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.

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(281): She really is something else. (713): Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away. http://tfl.nu/3f56

Replies (3) Good night (1019) Bad night (571)
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(618): View more from Illinois

There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.

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(618): There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister. http://tfl.nu/tdo0

Replies (7) Good night (1584) Bad night (800)
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(616): View more from Michigan

I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now

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(616): I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now http://tfl.nu/th7d

Replies (6) Good night (368) Bad night (651)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.

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(201): It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned. http://tfl.nu/85cz

Replies (5) Good night (527) Bad night (352)
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(44): View more from United Kingdom

You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.

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(44): You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas. http://tfl.nu/b55v

Replies (3) Good night (488) Bad night (232)
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(240): View more from Maryland

This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.

(1-240): View more from Maryland

You've ruined popcorn for me.

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(240): This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave. (1-240): You've ruined popcorn for me. http://tfl.nu/2sk4

Replies (7) Good night (957) Bad night (697)
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(630): View more from Illinois

You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.

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(630): You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional. http://tfl.nu/yewn

Replies (2) Good night (649) Bad night (391)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.

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(617): Sorry for cyberstalking your dad. http://tfl.nu/4tnd

Replies (0) Good night (148) Bad night (264)

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