There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
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you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
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There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!