I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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