For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
