i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
