I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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