i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The air was thick with penises
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
