Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
