A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just cut my nipple shaving
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just found puke in my bra..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
