We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
