so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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