Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
