She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
