Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
