You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
