Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
