The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
How does one acquire holy water?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
