yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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