just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
