Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
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just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
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A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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