I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
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