She is in my trunk
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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