Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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