Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
