Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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