Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
