Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
