Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
