R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
