Can i not drive my cunt home
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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