things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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