We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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