if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
