i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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