how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
