I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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