a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
