It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
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after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
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He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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