I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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