Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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