I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Randomize
