You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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