Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
