is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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