So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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