What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
