i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
