I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
