i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
