the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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