I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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