I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
