its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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