I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
