Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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