I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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